


seeing you destroy yourself, it destroys me

by charxjay



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:33:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charxjay/pseuds/charxjay
Summary: It went silent between the pair, and many things were running through his mind to the point where, “Why do you do that?” It just blurted out of his mouth, and there was no warning.“Do what Simon?” Jace questions, raising an eyebrow at the vampire because what in the world could he be talking about.“Drink away your problems? Fuck them away? Why do you do that?”(Jace's drinking reminds Simon of someone else)





	

He’s letting out a long sigh as he’s making his way through the bodies moving on the dance floor, doing his best to avoid someone accidently spilling their drink on him. He was here for one reason, and one reason alone…and there was his reason grinding with a brunette female. From this distance he couldn’t tell _what_ she was, especially not with all the other smells around him. _Why did he have to come to the club, why not just stick with the Hunter Moon?_ The question ran through his head and then he was in front of the blond, tapping him on the shoulder.

A huge grin plastered itself against the blond’s lips, and there was no doubt that he was _drunk_ out of his mind because there is no way in hell that he would be smiling at him. Especially because he’s clearly interrupting something between the pair, the smile just, it was a little unsettling if he were to be honest. “You came to dance with us?” The words out of the blond’s mouth were slurred, only further confirming what he thought.

The brunette shook his head, eyes focusing on the blond, “No, I’m here to take you home, Magnus said you’d be here.” His words are firm as he makes a quick glance to the other’s dance partner. The girl’s features falter and he could care less that he’s interrupting what was going to be another one of the blond’s hook ups.

“Oh, come on, just one dance Si,” There was a pout form on the blond’s lips, and if this were any other situation, he would most likely cave and dance with the blond and his date of the night.

He crosses his arms against his chest, sending a glare towards the blond, “No. I’ve got my van outside. Let’s go Jace.”

“You spoil sport,” Jace says, yet goes to drape his arm around Simon’s shoulders for support. “Cute, but still a spoil sport. On ward my prince!”

“And you’re drunk.” Simon rolls his eyes, putting his arm around Jace’s waist and leading him out of the club to his van. If it weren’t for his being a vampire, he is sure he’d have never been able to get Jace into his van in the time frame that he had. Jace was laying his head on the cold window of Simon’s van as the brunette climbed into the car, starting it up. It was silent the whole ride, Simon couldn’t find the words he wanted to say and it seemed like Jace had fallen asleep on him anyway. And he had, so Simon carried him up to the loft to his bed. He shred Jace of his jacket and shoes, not knowing where he stood he left Jace in his jeans and shirt as he tucked the blond into bed. He made sure that he was lying on his side, then for the rest of the night, Simon stayed in a chair in the corner of the room reading a book. Sometimes the side effects of becoming a vampire came in handy. Hours go by, then he’s hearing movement from the other side of the door meaning that Magnus was up but Simon didn’t leave his spot, he just continued reading until he heard a groan from the bed in front of him. Slowly, he lifts his head and see’s Jace sitting himself up with his hand to his head.

“By the Angel, what are you doing here?” Jace asks when his eyes fall upon Simon.

“There is water and I’m not sure if you Shadowhunters take aspirin but, there is some there as well,” Is all Simon says before he’s turning his attention back down to his book. The vampire had gotten them when he went and got himself some blood. His ears tune into the sound of Jace taking the water and the pills.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jace says after a few minutes of silence.

“Just checking on you,” Simon replies with a shrug of his shoulders, not looking up from the book in his lap.

“Oh yeah, because that is what we do now,” Jace retorts, and Simon doesn’t need to be looking to know that he’s rolling his eyes.

Simon didn’t reply, because what was he suppose to say. Was he supposed to say that he doesn’t think Jace is dealing with everything properly? Was he supposed to say that this drinking is reminding him of his mother when his father died? Say how it was hurting to see the blond put himself through so much _shit_ because someone manipulated him? To say that he can actually shut his mouth and listen? To tell him that he _cares_ about the blond more then he lets on?

“Right, of course you shut up now,” Jace mumbles, but Simon catches it and he couldn’t help but scoff a little. “What?”

“Do you remember a _thing_ from when I picked you up last night?” Simon muses, raising an eyebrow as he looked towards the blond who was sitting in his bed. It was quiet for a little while but then Jace is shaking his head, and Simon let out a small laugh, “Well I do, you called me cute and your prince. But you were drunk, probably thought I was someone else, I get it. It was hilarious though…but…” The words falter on his lips, and he’s just staring at the book because this was _not_ how he wanted this to go but his motor mouth seemed to have its own mind. Not that that’s some new news.

“But what?” Jace tries to press on, but is greeted by silence so Jace just stands up and starts to change. He would shower before he goes back out tonight, he didn’t see himself being pulled into any Shadowhunter business anytime soon.

It went silent between the pair, and many things were running through his mind to the point where, “Why do you do that?” It just blurted out of his mouth, and there was no warning.

“Do what Simon?” Jace questions, raising an eyebrow at the vampire because what in the world could he be talking about.

“Drink away your problems? Fuck them away? Why do you do that?” It was a flood gate, and it was pourng out. There was worry in his eyes as he looked watched the blond react to his questions with him freezing in his place. “Jace, Clary told me you said you never drink and yet, here you are _drinking_. You’re most likely hungover, if Shadowhunters get hungover. It’s not going to make the problems go away Jace. It’s just going to create more problems. Yes, you were fucked over by Valentine. He used and abused you, but you get to feel that. You’re allowed to feel like you don’t know what the fuck is going on because of all the lies. You’re allowed to feel broken, to feel _sad_ , and to feel angry. You’re allowed to feel things Jace but pushing them away with alcohol isn’t going to make them disappear. It’s not going to bring him back!”

The last line, Jace knows that wasn’t meant for him but it still broke his heart because he’s the reason why Simon’s said this all. Jace watches carefully as the brunette is slapping his hand over his mouth, and he notices the tear that falls down the vampire’s cheek and rest upon his fingers. “Simon,” Jace says the name so soft off of his tongue. He can never remember a time when he let his voice be this soft with someone. “I don’t think I’m the only one here who had bottled up their emotions.” He’s trying for a joking tone, something he knows that Simon does to try and make the tension ease but it doesn’t work because Simon is bolting out of the room.

Jace follows, glad that Simon only ran to the balcony. Simon was standing, looking over the edge of the balcony with his hands gripping the edge, so hard his paled skin, which was gaining its colour back slowly with each day in the sun, was going even whiter. Honestly, Jace isn’t sure what to do but he is going to try so he takes careful steps towards the other and gently places a hand on the other’s arm. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

“Just go! I don’t need you here to make fun of me, go fuck up your life with your drinking and see if I fucking care.”

Simon’s words, they stung but with a set look of determination on his features he tugs on Simon’s arm so that he was looking at the other. Tears stained the other’s cheeks and it was taking all his will power to not wipe them away. “I’m not here to make fun of you, believe it or not. Also, believe it or not I actually give a shit about what happens to you, I did after all go in to save you.”

“But you don’t care about yourself. I could have _fucking killed you_ and you didn’t fucking care! You don’t care about yourself, so you destroy yourself with this behaviour of yours and you don’t see the way it affects everyone who fucking cares about you.”

“Like you,” Jace supplies, giving a nod of his own when he see’s Simon’s head nod a little. “Simon, who else…who else drank their problems away that you cared about? Because you cannot care _that_ much about me to be this worked up.” While some part of saying that did hurt, he knew it was true because of the way Simon said the words.

Simon’s eyes find the ground, and he sucks in a breath that he doesn’t even need before he’s whispering “My mother, when my father died. It was hell seeing her like that, and now I’m seeing _you_ do it. It’s fucking hard Jace because I don’t know how to help you because I don’t know the shadow world. I cannot understand what you’ve been through. I want to help you out of this, but I don’t know _how_.”

Jace does something he never really thought of himself doing, he pulled Simon into a hug and smiled a bit to himself when he felt Simon’s arms around him to return the gesture. “Tell me this, be honest with me. Maybe even listen to me, or tell me I’m pushing my problems away. Remind me of this and I’ll understand.”

“So basically be there for you, that is what you’re saying,” Simon says with a small sniffle as they pulled away, Jace nods his head. “I was always going to be, and so was everyone else.”

Jace lets out a small sigh, of course they all would have but he never really thought of that. “Let’s go back inside and maybe read?” Jace suggest, and starts to head back inside. He smiles a little to himself when Simon says a small ‘ _Okay’_ and follows him in.


End file.
